"Funny" Story

So, as some of you know, I struggle with anxiety and depression, both get pretty bad at times. Generally my anxiety is the bigger issue of the two. Lately its gotten bad, I've been struggling just to leave the house the last month. For all the years of therapy and everything I've done and worked at to try to learn to deal with this shit, its so frustrating how easy it is to slip right back to this place.

Anyway, that's just preface to the story.

So my story begins, that I am home alone for the weekend, parents are out of town, its just me and my cats.
The crux of the story, is that I'm out of cat food. No more anxiety putting this off, I need to go today to buy food for my cats.
Now to a normal person, no big deal. Just go by cat food. To the anxious, irrational part of my brain, this is basically me going into a deadly situation where I'm likely to end up in peril of some sort.
So my brain goes into overdrive, with calm self sitting off to th3 side going "You're going to the pet store. Its like 6 blocks west of you, and you've been there a millions times, and you will only be in that store a total of 5 minutes."

Anxious brain: "nah bro, we're gonna get caught in there, and never be able to leave and you're gonna have a panic attack and they're gonna send you to the looney bin."

Calm Brain: *sigh*


So anyways I worked myself into a panic attack.
Finally I talked myself into just going for a drive, didn't need to be to the store, just get the fuck out of the house and go for a drive, I love driving, and I could listen to my audio book. Solid plan!
Drove myself around feeling myself relax. Got myself to the pet store.
Sat in the parking lot for a moment feeling uneasy, but uneasy is nothing, when you're used to mass quantities of anxiety, so I get out of my car. On stepping out of my car and into the parking lot, I feel the wind hit my face and boom, panic starts rising hard and fast.
Calm brain says "fuck it we're going into white knuckle mode and I'm going to do whatever I need to do to get my cats their food."

I take a deep breath, ready myself for the next 5 minutes to feel like an eternity of torture and go to close my car door. Except in my adrenaline fueled strength, I slam my door directly into my fucking shin.
So there I am in this parking lot, hopping around swearing like an idiot. Anyways, the funny thing, panic attack was totally subverted, in fact after the shin bash, my anxiety was pretty much gone. I got the cat food, talked to the clerk, decided to stop in EBgames and look around for a bit, got myself some food. All feeling calm and ok.

So. Moral of the story? Whenever anxiety is about to strike, just bash the living shit out of my shin. Self harm for the win yo!


*Disclaimer: I don't actually approve of self harm as manner of dealing with mental health. If you feel the need to harm yourself seek help immediately. If self harm gives you symptoms such as, itching, dry mouth or bleeding, please consult your physician. Other side affects may result in diarrhea, spastic vomiting, or mucus spray from your eye holes. If you are allergic to self harm, stop immediately and contact your doctor. If self harm results in irrational flying pigs exploding from your rectum, go to the hospital, you may be having a bad reaction.


Sorry, got into a drug commercial mode. Serious, don't self harm, be kind to yourself..