Post by EPIC Sir Tinley on Aug 15, 2021 8:20:36 GMT -8
CNN Praises Taliban For Wearing Masks During Attack
KABUL—Approximately twelve minutes after U.S. troops withdrew from Afghanistan, Taliban fighters have completely taken over the entire country.
"Woah, that's a bummer," said the Biden Administration's foreign policy team. "We didn't see that one coming."
As the Taliban began its campaign of shooting and killing, as is their time-honored tradition, CNN anchors gushed with praise after noticing all the Taliban fighters were responsibly wearing masks to protect themselves and others from COVID.
"Wow! In the midst of the battle and bloodshed, these noble desert knights of Islamic superiority are wearing masks! Bravo!" said Brian Stelter.
TV anchor and world-renown polemicist Don Lemon was also quick to weigh in. "All things considered, we ought to be praising the COVID-safe masks these majestic mujahideen warriors are wearing," he said.
"They are showing all of us the proper way to behave during a pandemic—something those horrible idiot Trump supporters don't seem to get."
Inspired by their example, the Biden Administration has invited the Taliban to the White House to record TikTok videos in hopes of convincing Trump supporters to get vaccinated.
U.S.—Trump has been allowed back on Twitter after disguising himself as one Donhammed Trumpistan, a newly hired spokesperson for the Taliban. As Trump had previously been banned from the service, then allowed back on after disguising himself as a spokesperson for the Chinese Communist Party, then banned again once he couldn't help himself and started claiming the election was stolen again, this is simply his latest ploy to get back on social media.
U.S.—Trump has been allowed back on Twitter after disguising himself as one Donhammed Trumpistan, a newly hired spokesperson for the Taliban. As Trump had previously been banned from the service, then allowed back on after disguising himself as a spokesperson for the Chinese Communist Party, then banned again once he couldn't help himself and started claiming the election was stolen again, this is simply his latest ploy to get back on social media.
Speaking at the White House, Mr Trump said the Taliban had been trying to reach an agreement with the US for a long time.
He said US troops had been killing terrorists in Afghanistan "by the thousands" and now it was "time for someone else to do that work and it will be the Taliban and it could be surrounding countries".
"I really believe the Taliban wants to do something to show we're not all wasting time," Mr Trump added.
i just don't see how you're confused by this. Drought causes conflicts all the time. Our Pentagon has said as much, that this would cause social upheaval around the world. When resources run out, social unrest occurs.
Post by EPIC Sir Tinley on Oct 5, 2021 5:38:36 GMT -8
KABUL, Afghanistan — One fighter after another, the Taliban are trading in their characteristic long flowing garb for stiff military uniforms.
It is a symbol of the moment of transition they find themselves in: Once warriors embedded in Afghanistan’s rugged mountains, now they are an urban police force.
But change is always an adjustment.
In the Afghan capital of Kabul, crime was rampant under the previous government of Ashraf Ghani. Robberies and kidnappings were a near daily occurrence and the judicial process time-consuming and expensive.
By winning the country after two decades of war with the Aug. 15 seizure of Kabul, the Taliban also inherited a city marked by lawlessness.
Immediately they set to work, making their presence known in daily street patrols. Some have done away with the typical AK-47 rifles, for U.S.-made M16s left behind by Afghan forces.
Post by EPIC Sir Tinley on Oct 15, 2021 6:54:27 GMT -8
Backed-Up Cargo Ships Positioned To Spell Out ‘Let’s Go Brandon’
PACIFIC OCEAN—With a tremendous backlog at Long Beach and dozens of cargo ships helplessly stranded in the ocean waiting to be unloaded, the bored crews have arranged their ships to form the words of the patriotic cheer taking the world by storm: "Let's Go Brandon."
Post by EPIC Sir Tinley on Jan 10, 2022 7:47:45 GMT -8
Nation's Fate Now In The Hands Of 8 Dummies And Clarence Thomas
WASHINGTON, D.C.—As the Supreme Court heard oral arguments on the legality of OSHA's vaccine requirement, the nation collectively gasped at the realization that our fate is now in the hands of 8 dummies and Clarance Thomas.
"Wow, I had no idea it was this bad. They're all complete idiots," said local HVAC repairman Joe Bob Smith who was standing outside the Supreme Court. "How could that many people in a high position of authority be that uninformed and dumb? It boggles the mind."
According to legal experts, the Constitutional Republic known as America is now being almost entirely held together by the courage and intellect of Supreme Court Justice Clarance Thomas, who needs at least four of the dummies to side with him in order to preserve Constitutional rights in this country.
"I hope he can hold out, but it's not looking good," said Smith. "I mean, how did any of these judges pass middle school? Do they spend every waking hour watching CNN? Do they need to see a doctor? I just don't understand.
Smith was interrupted as a short yellow bus arrived to take Justice Sotomayor home.
"I hope he can hold out, but it's not looking good," said Smith. "I mean, how did any of these judges pass middle school? Do they spend every waking hour watching CNN? Do they need to see a doctor? I just don't understand.
Smith was interrupted as a short yellow bus arrived to take Justice Sotomayor home.
LOL! that is just gold. "did they pass middle school" has to be the most clever take writing I've witnessed in a long time.
Post by EPIC Sir Tinley on Jan 21, 2022 6:56:35 GMT -8
M&M characters redesigned for a "more dynamic, progressive world," Mars announces
M&M's iconic characters — six different colored "lentils," each with their own personality — have gotten a modern makeover for a "more dynamic, progressive world," Mars said Thursday. The redesign is focused on creating a sense of belonging and community, as well as spotlighting the character's "personalities, rather than their gender."
The most notable changes include the green M&M's redesign, which will exchange the white heeled go-go boots she was given in 1997 for "cool, laid-back sneakers to reflect her effortless confidence." Mars had received criticism for the green M&M's sexy characterization. The green M&M will also be "better represented to reflect confidence and empowerment, as a strong female, and known for much more than her boots."
The green M&M and the brown M&M will have a more friendly relationship, showcasing a "force supporting women." The two characters' dynamic will have them "together throwing shine and not shade," the company said. The two characters have sometimes been at odds in advertisements, but they have also been seen as friends — or more than friends in others, like this viral tweet from 2015 showing the two holding hands on a beach.
Mars also added that the brown M&M's heels will be lowered to a professional heel height.
The orange M&M, who has an anxious personality, will "embrace his true self, worries and all." But the orange M&M's shoe laces will now be tied to represent his cautious nature. According to Mars, the orange M&M is "one of the most relatable characters with Gen-Z," which is the "most anxious generation."
The red M&M, who has shown bully tendencies in the past, will be more kind to his co-characters.
Mars will also include imagery of M&Ms of all shapes and sizes, moving away from only one body size, and it will remove the prefixes from the characters' names in order to focus on "their personalities, rather than their gender." Currently, only the brown M&M has a prefix — Ms. Brown — on the M&M website.
The company hopes their changes will show the importance of "self-expression and power of community."