The Bee, or Not the Bee

BREAKING: Stacey Abrams' Black Support Plummets After Being Seen in Video 'Twerking for Votes' on Stage During Concert

Atlanta, GA — Georgia gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams took a serious blow to her campaign after footage emerged of her twerking onstage with rapper Latto over the weekend.

Abrams, who ran unsuccessfully in 2018, joined the rapper during her performance and announced she would be “twerking for votes” until it was time for Georgians to cast their votes in November.

As the beat started up, she turned her back to the audience and began furiously shaking her backside. The faces of the audience members revealed terror, confusion, and concern at the sight of her gyrating pantsuit-covered derriere.

After about 30 uncomfortable seconds, the music stopped abruptly, along with Abrams’ twerking, at which point she turned around, grabbed the mic, and shouted: “If I gotta twerk my way to the governor’s mansion, then dammit, that’s what I’m gonna do!”

National Security
Biden Admin Buys U.S. Navy Luxury Bidet Equipped With ‘Effective Enema Function’

Bio Bidet's BB-1000 has 'the absolute strongest spray pressure of any electronic bidet seat on the market.'

The U.S. Navy under President Joe Biden spent hundreds of dollars on a luxury bidet complete with a remote control and a massaging feature, spent $553 on Bio Bidet's BB-1000 bidet seat attachment for a toilet on the USNS Yuma, a high-speed military transport ship.



The $553 bidet, which retailer Bidet King described as having a "rabid cult following" because it has "the absolute strongest spray pressure of any electronic bidet seat on the market," boasts a slew of features such as an "effective enema function" to go with its high price tag. A brochure for the bidet says the BB-1000 comes with a heated seat, a blow dryer, a remote control, a deodorizer, and several spray functions, including "pulsating massage" and "turbo wash," which is described as a "whirly mass of soft water spray to stimulate bowel movement."

The BB-1000 bidet that the Navy purchased for the Yuma is considerably more expensive than commonly purchased models. Amazon's best-selling bidet costs $22.99, roughly 4 percent of the cost of the BB-1000.

People who skipped their COVID vaccine are at higher risk of traffic accidents, according to a new study

If you passed on getting the COVID vaccine, you might be a lot more likely to get into a car crash.

Canadian researchers examined the encrypted government-held records of more than 11 million adults, 16% of whom hadn’t received the COVID vaccine.

They found that the unvaccinated people were 72% more likely to be involved in a severe traffic crash—in which at least one person was transported to the hospital—than those who were vaccinated. That’s similar to the increased risk of car crashes for people with sleep apnea, though only about half that of people who abuse alcohol, researchers found.

The excess risk of car crash posed by unvaccinated drivers “exceeds the safety gains from modern automobile engineering advances and also imposes risks on other road users,” the authors wrote.

FDA Fast-Tracks New Alzheimer’s Drug in Boost to Biden’s Reelection Bid

'Promising' treatment could 'modestly slow the pace of cognitive decline'

In a critical boost to President Joe Biden's reelection prospects, the Food and Drug Administration has approved a new Alzheimer's drug that "may modestly slow the pace of cognitive decline," according to the New York Times.

Biden, the first octogenarian president in American history, is expected to formally announce his plans to seek a second term sometime next month, thus setting the stage for a potential rematch against Donald Trump.

The president is going to need all the help he can get to mitigate the rapid deterioration of his brain before Election Day in 2024, which is probably why his administration fast-tracked the new Alzheimer's drug, Leqembi, using its "accelerated approval" designation. The new drug also carries some risk, as a significant percentage of patients in clinical trials experienced swelling and bleeding in the brain after taking Leqembi.

Whereas Trump has no discernible flaws, Biden has been widely criticized as "too old to be president." He would be 86 by the time he left office after two terms and has already exceeded the average life expectancy for American males by several years. His cognitive decline is glaringly obvious to anyone who has watched him attempt to speak in public. A recent CNBC poll found that 70 percent of Americans, including a majority of Democrats, don't want Biden to run for reelection.

Biden has repeatedly refused to subject himself to independent testing that could shed light on his cognitive health, or lack thereof. When CBS reporter Errol Barnett asked Biden in 2020 if he would take a cognitive test to allay voter concerns about his health, the then-candidate responded by accusing the black journalist of being a "cocaine" "junkie."

Trump, by contrast, is renowned for his superhuman stamina and has aced every cognitive test he's ever taken. An esteemed doctor famously described him as "the healthiest individual ever elected president."

Elon Musk, sadly, may be ruining this thread....

Trump To Be Indicted For Removing Mattress Tag In 1997

NEW YORK, NY — District Attorney Alvin Bragg is reportedly set to indict Trump this coming Tuesday for the removal of a mattress tag back in 1997. According to sources, new evidence was discovered in the mattress tag cold case by grizzled Detective Harry Jakes, who utilized modern advances in forensic science to place former president Donald Trump at the scene of the crime.

"We got him dead to rights," said Bragg in an unnecessary press conference. "No one removes a mattress tag in my city and gets away with it!"

The mattress tag in question belonged to a Spring Air Conforma Foam mattress from '97, which historians claim featured a warning label advising mattress tags to not be removed:

Do Not Remove by Penalty of Law Except by the Consumer

In a surprise move, Trump has not denied the troubling accusation, though he maintains doing so was not illegal. "The tag says 'except by consumer.' I am a huge consumer. Probably the greatest consumer ever, and I had every right to remove that tag. The deep state is trying to dig up anything they can just to keep me from reclaiming the presidential throne."

"Witch hunt!"

Independent fact checkers have rated Trump's claim "a bald-faced lie," citing the fact that the president does not sit on a throne. Also, he is Trump and that is bad. The fact-check article does not make mention of the mattress tag issue directly, but does note, "[Trump] broke both federal and international laws probably."

A United Nations committee has been assembled to investigate whether the matter qualifies as a war crime.

"This is an open and shut case. Now he'll never be president. I did it!" Bragg claimed before quickly correcting himself. "I mean, no one is above the law."

At publishing time, Trump's approval polling surged among mattress consumers who have long been befuddled by the mattress tag warning.

Maybe too early?

The Bee has a strong history of coming true.

NEARLY 100 BABYLON BEE PUNCHLINES WERE FULFILLED PROPHECIES

"The problem isn't that our satire is too close to reality," Seth Dillon told Fox News. "It’s that reality is too close to satire, so our jokes keep coming true."

"So we have a spreadsheet of nearly 100 jokes now that we've tracked," he said. "They were fulfilled like prophecies instead of punch lines."

The Bee published one article, "To Improve Public Perception, Kamala Harris Taking Likability Lessons From Hillary Clinton," in July 2021. A month later, Axios reported that a former Clinton advisor hosted a dinner with prominent Democratic women — including Clinton's former spokeswoman — to discuss how to defend Vice President Kamala Harris from bad press.

"Who would take likability lessons from Hillary Clinton?" Dillon asked. "But then a month later, there's a real story that [Harris'] staff reached out to Hillary’s staff to make her more likable."

"We even did one about how Trump had claimed to have done more for Christianity than Jesus himself and that one went crazy viral," Dillon said.

In 2021, then-President Trump said during an interview that "nobody has done more for Christianity or for evangelicals or for religion itself than I have."

Dillon said the Bee's 2019 article, "Trump: 'I Have Done More For Christianity Than Jesus,'" was fact-checked and rated false.

"And then two years later, he actually said it," Dillon told Fox News. "He said he's done more for Christianity than anyone else in history. In fact, he's done more for religion than anyone else in history."

In September 2022, the Bee joked about the economy with the headline, "9 Reasons Not To Worry About The Tanking Economy." Just two days later, the Washington Post published the headline "7 ways a recession could be good for you financially."

Dillon added that sometimes it's hard for his writers to come up with satire because the real news headlines already read like jokes.

"There are all the time stories that come across the screen that are just incredibly outrageous," he said "You know you wouldn't believe that they're true, and we have to do a double take and see, is this parody, is this a real story?"

"We're living in really crazy, insane times," he added. "So, yes, there are plenty of times where we pull up a headline, and we're just baffled by it."

On Feb. 3, 2023, the Bee posted the headline "Biden Says He’ll Shoot Down Chinese Spy Balloon As Soon As He’s Done Letting It Spy." One day later, Biden announced that the balloon was shot down over the Atlantic Ocean after it finished crossing the United States, arguing that he waited so debris wouldn't fall on civilians.

www.foxnews.com/entertainment/satire-reality-nearly-100-babylon-bee-joke-stories-come-true

Doctors aren't biologists.....