EPL+ Other Soccer 2022/2023

Tottenham is fucking loaded this season. Start peppering your angus bitch.

EPL Match Day 1 was interesting. Arsenal started the action with a comfortable 2 nil win over Palace as Palace squandered some real simple chances in the second half, Chelsea eeked by Everton, Brighton shit on Man United with only the refs and VAR stopping Brighton from winning by not awarding Brighton a beyond obvious pen and then allowing a hand ball to stand to cut the lead to 2-1, didn't matter at the end as Brighton won. Haaland paid dividends for City, first by taking out the Hammers starting keeper, than drawing a pen against the shitty backup and scoring a second to ice it while LFC came out bored and listless and ended up drawing 2-2 in the worst game in a season and half, just awful. Only bright spots was the Nunez debut, with a goal and assist. On to MD2:

Arsenal v. Leicester - Arsenal looked really good for the first 45 minutes, dominating Palace and should have been up more than 1 at half, but Palace grew into the game and missed their chances then scored an own goal to put this to bed. Didn't see Leicester, but the 2-2 draw at Brentford coupled with the lackluster finish in 21/22 and inactivity in the transfer market makes Arsenal at home a pretty comfortable favorite. If Arseanl gets 6 points for 6 to start the season, the fanbase will lose its shit and crown them champions of the premier league, UCL which their not even in as well as World Cup champs. Lol.

Man City v. Bournemouth - City at home to newly promoted Bournemouth. Well, the good news for Bournemouth is they got off to a fantastic start at home in MD1. Bad news is Haaland was every bit the stud City thought they were getting when they used their cheating dirty oil money to pay Dortmund £60M, his dead agent £30M and his dad an additional £30M.

Brentford v. Man United - Wasn't sure it was possible, but United looked even more shit than they did last season, an incredible feat. Really should have lost 3 nil without the awful Prem Reffing. Brentford at home can be difficult, but still, a big ask when your entire roster is worth less than 1 guy on the other team. Good luck Bees!

Chelsea v. Spurs - To the delight of that one guy that sometimes posts about Spurs and thought tangay ndombele was a better player than Fabinho, meanwhile ndombele is on his 30th team since that HAWT take and Fabinho is on the 30 man list for the balon d'or, the Spurs came out red hot in MD1. Shitty ass club hasn't won a league game at Chelsea since 1990. 1990. What a shitty club. They are good this season though, if they can't turn this squad into a trophy winner, they're kind of fucked. Good luck! Chelsea started well, getting 3pts playing at 50% vs. Everton, but this is a real test.

Liverpool v. Crystal Palace - Monday Night Football. At Anfield. Coming off a shit showing. LETS GO YOU BEAUTIFUL, SEXY REDS!

All in the 1st half too fuck man lol. I didn’t see the game but just checked the score

2 draws to start the season for Liverpool. Against arguably 2 teams that will be fighting relegation all season long.








Lolololol

EPL Match Day 2 was one that won't be forgotten by Brentford for generations. The Bees completely shit on the once mighty Manchester United 4 nil. 4 to Zero. 4 to nothing. LOL. Awesome game. City has come out on fire, as expected, winning again with Arsenal the only team keeping pace and their fans now thinking they're going to win a sextuple or something after 2 games. Spurs, who haven't won at Chelsea since 1990 had to cheat (yes, league admitted they fucked up and let them cheat) to come away with a draw and continue their winless streak at Chelsea but they're ecstatic they didn't actually lose. Lol, cute little club that. Liverpool was down to 10 men because Nunez lost his cool but managed to equalize short a man. What a strike by Luis Diaz though, young Colombian is an incredible talent. On to MD3.

Spurs v. Wolves - Coming off that massive cheating draw with Chelsea has Spurs really excited, should be a routine win that will really get their uneducated, trophy-less fan base thinking this might be the year they actually win a Caribou Cup or something for once. Wolves are kind of shit.

Bournemouth v. Arsenal - Spurs main rival, Arsenal, really have a big chance to start the season with a run of victories with the likes of Bournemouth, Fullham, Villa and Man U the next few fixtures. That would put a lot of pressure on the other teams chasing top 4 and make Arsenal TV receipt worthy.

Leeds v. Chelsea - The United States of Leeds blew a wonderful opportunity to start the season with 6 points from 6, up 2 goals late. But American Jesse Marsch's squad wilted under the pressure and gave up two quick goals and came away with a draw. Marsh brought in fellow American's Tyler Adams and Brenden Aaronson over the break and they will go up against Captain America, Christian Pulisic's Chelsea over the weekend, but Pulisic doesn't really play. Really needs to get the fuck off of Tuchel's squad, wasting away over there.

Newcastle v. Man City - Dirty Saudi Oil Money squad v. Cheating Dirty Dubai oil money squad. Hope both these teams are sanctioned and forced to sell like Chelsea. Awful clubs.

Manchester United v. Liverpool - Biggest, most watched club match in the world. ~500MM viewers v. ~120MM for the Superbowl. Monday night football, at Old Trafford. United will look to rebound from the shit start and seek revenge for the 5-0 ass whipping in Manchester in 2021/22 and combined 9-0 in the two matches. Those results are not replicable, but man were the fucking fantastic. Liverpool doesn't want to fall any further back in the table. Massive match, massive clubs. LETS FUCKING GO!

Shit start to the season. Maybe Spurs can stick 'we started a season better than Klopp' in their trophy cabinet, right next to 'put the pressure on Chelsea'. Lol.

Here we go:

www.uefa.com/uefachampionsleague/draws/2023/2001673/

Tottenham even included! UCL can be something nice for the pointless clubs as well.

EPL MD3:

Southampton v. Man United - Man U got a massive lift with the full 3 points after benching Ronaldo and the most expensive centerback on the planet Maquire. Southampton is kind of crap, but so is United, but United is more talented. Lets go Saints!

Chelsea v. Leicester - Chelsea got absolutely battered by Leeds United (States of America) 3 nil in MD2 with American manager Jesse Marsch basking in the glory and reminding Chelsea that Leeds is no pushover like Spurs and can beat Chelsea. Leicester is kind of shit, couple more bad results and Brendan Rodgers might be looking for a new gig.

Man City v. Crystal Palace - The Oil Derby was fantastic last week. First original Cheating Oil Scum City took the lead, then fell behind new Oil scum Newcastle 3-1 and fought back for a draw. Drawing the Oil Derby wasn't optimal for Dubai and now they look to rebound against CP. When the Owl was managing CP, CP always gave City problems. Not sure they're capable, but Zaha running at those outside backs can at least pose a problem, if CP actually has the ball at any point in the game.

Arsenal v. Fulham - Another London Derby. With half the league London teams, seems to be at least one a week. Well, the best team in London and league leaders at the moment take on newly promoted Fulham. Arsenal massive favorites to start the season with 4 wins on the bounce. Gabriel Jesus living up to the hype, Partey not in jail for rape. Aresenal in dreamland!

Nottingham Forest v. Spurs - Wolves gave Spurs a game but Spurs did manage the ugly win, while Forest struggled against a really shitty Everton team. Forest at home can be tricky, but don't expect Conte to let the Spurs slip here. Poch, Mourinho or Nuno would have definitely dropped points here, lets see if Conte could get all 3.

Liverpool v. Bournemouth - Liverpool has been crap since smashing City in the Community Shield, need to come out with some energy or risk the worst start since forever, maybe a century. Bournemouth got absolutely battered by Arsenal last week, 3 nil was actually flattering for the newly promoted side, could have been 6 nil. Gotta get all 3 points at Anfield, injuries be damned or even fielding the youth squad. A must. LETS GO!